BE FRIENDS FIRST

Several years ago I purchased the book:  Don't Sweat The Small Stuff in Love

I purchased it knowing that there would be some good advice as I had already read the book:  Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, It's all Small Stuff (a gift from mom).

I remember some of the reasons for the purchase.  One of the reasons had to do with the constant bickering between me and Victor and the constant irritation with one another.  This is not the way married couples should behave.

In the first chapter:  Mostly, Be Pals the authors share the following:

"When you are good friends first... everything seems to take care of itself.  Pals support one another.  They are patient and kind, and make allowances for each other's imperfections.  Friends are excellent communicators, and usually very good listeners.  While they can also be serious, when appropriate, pals also find it easy to have fun, and to laugh.  They stay connected, sharing in the good times and being there for each other during the diffcult times."

I immediately thought of mom and dad.  They have often shared with their children that their best friend is each other.  And they do spend time with one another and share in activities that they each enjoy.

I also remembered the "courtship" periods before the "honeymoon" and how we treated each other.  We were patient with one another; we shared willing with one another; we were kind toward one another.  At what point in our relationships do we forget to be friends first?  When did the bad habits of neglect; sarcasm; jealousy and impatience creep in and become acceptable?

I can't remember the moments in the past that almost created a rift between me and Victor, but I do remember the turning points and where my relatioship with him became important.  Almost losing Victor; the long days and sleepless nights while he was hospitalized gave me lots of opportunity to reflect and assess what I wanted most.  I wanted Victor and I wanted to live a happy life with him.  I wanted him to know that I love him and that I would do anything for him.

"...being really good friends is a gift, and a goal worth pursuing.  When you are good pals, you somehow find a way to meet in the middle, and to share  in each other's dreams without feeling like you're sacrificing a thing."