This is not for the faint of heart... :)
Friction sex is the rubbing together of body parts.
It can feel pleasurable. For many it is the predominant mode of sexual expression. Friction sex, however, lacks certain qualities: the sensual and the intimate.
Sensuality is the appreciation of all the sensory modes: flavor, fragrance, hue, texture, timbre, contour, and more. A sensuous lover is willing to take the time.
Intimacy is openness to our own feelings and to our spouse's feelings. It is honesty, vulnerability, and trust. There is willingness to listen and to communicate. While one need not necessarily be romantically in love, there is always respect.
In contrast to the repetitious nature of inter-course, sensuous sex flows. One moment ma be spontaneously playful, the next quietly reverent. There is lingering, allowing the next feeling and touch to unfold. In exploration, new joys are welcomed.
To be a sensuous lover, then, is to blend the sensual, the sexual and the intimate.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
From earliest childhood most of us received the message "don't touch." In the past, touch, and especially sexual touch, was limited to the bedroom with the lights out and was for procreation only. It was certainly not for pleasure. Later, society acknowledged that exual touch could be enjoyed as an end in itself.
Only now are certain segments of our society beginning to realize that nurturing and appreciation of the sense can be pleasureable also. These are methods of communication, ways to say "I care." They do not have to lead to further sexual involvement, althought they may if the couple chooses.
Massage is one method of touch and sensory awareness that is becoming more and more socially acceptable.
It is my belief that we miss many opportunities to enjoy warm, intimate relationships and experiences because there is the expectation that touching and nurturing, expecially touching which could be considered erotice will automatically lead to inter-course. This does not have to be the case. There are times that the only goal is to relax and enjoy pleasure.
Find ways to show you care; utilizing nurturing touch and providing comforting pleasure to your spouse. It will be recipricated.